i think my mom watched the whole time
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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