My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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