I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
