My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
