I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
