He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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