So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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