Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
