I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
