I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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