Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
