my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
