I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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