The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
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Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
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I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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