omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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