Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
