Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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