I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
