He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i love accidental penises.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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