..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
