Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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