Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Only a mothe r could love this liver
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
