So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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