ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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