i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
