I'm going to jail i love you
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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