The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
