i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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