I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
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Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
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After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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