Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize