Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
