I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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