On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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