How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Randomize
