i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
