All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize