I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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