why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
