i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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