I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
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Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
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There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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