Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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