His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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