That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
