Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
