You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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