i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
