glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
