I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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