I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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