Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
