Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
