How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
