She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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