you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
